When the Monster Strikes Back.

It is exam season once again amid that I will soon depart on a new adventure. And although, I am on top of my exams and will delivery good material and am definitely super excited for what is coming next in my life, I also find myself finding another anxiety attack! I never know when they are coming, I just know that when they, they completely take over my life and no matter how hard I try to keep it away to fight it, it always seems to win. I am proud of myself. I do think I have improved, slowly, I start to understand that it is anxiety that is causing this to me! That it is not me, that I do not have a problem but have a monster trying to bring me down every single day. Obviously, my strategies are not working up until now. And I think the problem is that I still do not want to face that I have a problem, just trying to fight it way is not going to solve it. I need to be able to overcome it, so once and for all, I can enjoy life without all of this stupid thoughts and worries. It is silly, because this is the time I should enjoy! I have good health, family, friends, education everything that I need but still somehow is not enough. I am writing this because I have just read a post on Facebook that I absolutely related with. This was amazing piece was written by Lauren Gilbson in Thought Catalog:

1. Your sleeping patterns are off.

If you used to be an incredibly deep sleeper and have recently been tossing and turning like crazy, you may be having something more concerning than just stress. Your sleeping patterns can say a lot of about your overall health in general so if you’ve been having trouble getting the recommended eight hours, I’d look into it.

2. You find yourself worrying frequently about things that happened a long time ago.

Another sign that you a may have anxiety is worrying about things that happened in the past. While most people would be able to move on and completely forget about a mistake they made two years, you hold onto it and let that mistake swallow you whole.

3. You beat yourself up over tiny little things.

Maybe it’s about a friendship you lost a few years back, or maybe it’s about something you said to your parents yesterday, but you simply cannot let go of what you did and you punish yourself for it all the time.

5. You self medicate to take the edge off.

You’ve noticed yourself grabbing more beer at the store, and having a third glass of wine on a weekday. You’ll do anything to stop the voices in your head and the ugly thoughts that keep popping up in your mind, and drugs and alcohol makes it go away (for a minute).

6. Your thoughts are never ending.

No matter what you do, you feel like you are drowning underwater with piles and piles of terrifying thoughts. You never used to be this stressed out, and now work and your personal life and your life in general seems to be crumbling. Everything gets under your skin, and your thoughts nowadays are usually negative.

7. You get random aches.

Lately, you’ve felt more muscle tension and aches in your neck and back. Sometimes, you even feel tingles run down your arms and hands. Tension and anxiety can cause your body to react in a way you never thought possible. Anxiety can cause a lot of weird and unexpected symptoms.

8. You’re always tired no matter how much sleep you get.

No matter what, you’re always yawing frequently and your co-workers keep telling you to go to bed at a decent hour. But even if your sleeping patterns are great and you usually go to bed on time, and you’re waking up exhausted, this could be a sign of anxiety.

9. It’s hard for you to concentrate.

You find yourself gazing into space half the time, and can’t even finish simple tasks. It’s incredibly hard for you to concentrate, and your brain feels like you’re in a weird fog all the time. Anxiety can make you feel like you can’t even on a single conversation because your brain feels scrambled and all over the place.

10. You’re obsessed with never making mistakes and always being right.

You are obsessed with being the best of the best. Whether it’s in school or work or your personal relationships, you always want to be the best student, the best employee and the best friend. You’re known as the over achiever, and sometimes it can cause a lot of damage to your self confidence and self esteem if you mess up (which you will, because you’re human)

I have taken the ones that do not relate to me out, which brings it down to 9 out of 10. Of course, I am not always like this and I am aware that I have anxiety. I think admitting and knowing why you are feeling the way you are is already a great step but now I need to find out my way of fighting. And I think I know how, it is by talking about it and not fighting it on my own. I have curiosity in trying a psychologist, I wonder if they can at all, or if they will just give you more medications. Because that's what I feel happens when I try to discreetly ask for help. I am just given different types of pills but obviously I do not think thats the slow. 

Also, another improvement is that I know what is stressing me. They are things that I would not even consider problems but that I already fear them. I am afraid about moving to a new continent by myself, I am afraid that something will go wrong with the internship or that I will fail. Also, I am afraid that my father will not get a job soon, and then I don't know what is going to happen with my family. What will we do? And I am stressed about these exams that force me to be isolated writing them for so long, when I would rather be distracting my mind and I am tired for no reason because everyday this period I have to deal with you anxiety everyday and it is exhausting. You take all my concentration way, all my energy, and I don't know why. 

I honestly don't know much about statistics regarding anxiety but I would not be surprised if this is a common problem with the international millennials. When you have the world at your feet, you have no excuse not to take the opportunity. But remember that we are still allowed to fail and so what if things don't go as planned? So what if you screw up? It is all part of life! That is what makes it interesting and no one is expecting you to be perfect! So stop worrying so much and enjoy more life!